dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
