U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
