I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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