Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
