i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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