If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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