I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
