I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
