I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
