planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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