Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
