he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
