Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
