Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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