I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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