He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
