should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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