I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who died my cat blue again?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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