dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
