Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
