if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
