Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
