grandma shit on top of the toilet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
