How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
