Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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