I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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