I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
