You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He passed out mid-signature
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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