You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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