I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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