Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
