i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
