a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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