If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
