I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
