i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
