did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize