I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize