thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
