brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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