I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
