***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
