Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
