if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
