my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
