in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
