I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
