Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
