I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
