It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
