she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
